The Nomadic Flâneuse

Gu Cheng (顾城，1956-1993) was a famous Chinese modern poet, essayist, and novelist. He was a prominent member of the “Misty Poets”, a group of Chinese modernist poets.

Gu Cheng began life in privilege as the son of a prominent party member. His father was the army poet Gu Gong. At the age of twelve, his family was sent down to rural Shandong because of the Cultural Revolution(as means of re-education) where they bred pigs. There, he claimed to have learned poetry directly from nature.

In the late 1970s, Cheng became associated with the journal “Today” (今天) which began a movement in poetry known as “menglong”(朦胧) meaning “hazy, “obscure”. He became an international celebrity and travelled around the world accompanied by his wife, Xie Ye(谢烨). The two settled in Auckland, New Zealand in 1987 where Cheng taught Chinese at the University of Auckland.

In October 1993, Gu Cheng attacked his wife before hanging himself. She died later in a hospital.

– Wikipedia

Sometimes I guess I am expecting too much from Wikipedia since there should be so much ‘humanity’ behind each entry, when I read a topic been cut and dried so much that it’s reminds me a impersonal, academic study. This is the case of Gu Cheng.

Gu Cheng and Hai Zi were my college days, I was facing the sea with spring blossoms with Haizi, and I was the willful child in drawing with crayons with Gu Cheng. Whether trekking in the remotest corner of the Himalaya or living for weeks in the heart of the Amazon jungle, whether crossing Central Park at midnight after a surrealistic film or simply walking back home in downtown Shanghai after another late evening in office, whenever I look up and see the stars or moon, Gu Cheng’s One Generation emerges from the dark blue ocean of memory: Darkness has given me black eyes. Instead I use them to search light.

I hope the willful child living in happiness with his koala and butterfly in the Victoria forest (not secret!), at least it’s my wishful wish.

I’m A Willful Child

~ Gu Cheng, translated by Aaron Crippen

maybe

I’m a child who’s been spoiled by his mother

I am willful

I wish

every moment

were colorful as crayons

I wish

I could draw on dear paper

awkward freedom

draw an eye

that would never cry

a sky

feathers and leaves that belong to the sky

pale green evening and apples

I want to draw morning

draw dew

all the smiles in sight

I want to draw all the youngest

unsuffering loves

draw my imaginary

lover

she has never seen stormclouds

her eyes are the color of the clear sky

she’s always watching me

always, watching

will never turn away

I want to draw distant landscapes

draw a clear horizon and waves

draw scores of happy streams

draw hills

sprouting pale down

I’ll bunch them together

let them love each other

let them acquiesce

let every subtle tremor of spring

be the birth of a tiny flower

and I want to draw the future

I’ve never seen her, and cannot

but know she is beautiful

I’ll draw her fall windbreaker

draw flaming candles and maple leaves

draw the many hearts snuffed out

for love of her

draw marriage

draw one after another early-rising holidays-

stick candy wrappers at the top

and pictures from storybooks

I’m a willful child

I want to erase all unhappiness

I want to draw windows

all over the land

let eyes used to darkness

get used to the light

I want to draw the wind

draw mountain ranges each higher than the last

draw the Eastern peoples’ yearning

draw the ocean-

an endlessly happy sound

finally, in the paper’s corner

I want to draw myself

draw a koala

deep in a Victoria forest

sitting on a calm branch

slow

with no home

no faraway heart

just so many

berrylike dreams

and great big eyes

I am wishing

wanting

but don’t know why

I have no crayons

haven’t had one colorful moment

I have only I

my fingers and the pain of creating

just these tattered sheets

of dear paper

let them go look for butterflies

let them from this day on

be gone

I am a child

spoiled by an imaginary mother

I am willful

我是一个任性的孩子

也许

我是被妈妈宠坏的孩子

我任性

我希望

每一个时刻

都像彩色蜡笔那样美丽

我希望

能在心爱的白纸上画画

画出笨拙的自由

画下一只永远不会

流泪的眼睛

一片天空

一片属于天空的羽毛和树叶

一个淡绿的夜晚和苹果

我想画下早晨

画下露水

所能看见的微笑

画下所有最年轻的

没有痛苦的爱情

她没有见过阴云

她的眼睛是晴空的颜色

她永远看着我

永远,看着

绝不会忽然掉过头去

我想画下遥远的风景

画下清晰的地平线和水波

画下许许多多快乐的小河

画下丘陵

长满淡淡的绒毛

我让它们挨得很近

让它们相爱

让每一个默许

每一阵静静的春天悸动

都成为一朵小花的生日

我还想画下未来

我没见过她,也不可能

但知道她很美

我画下她秋天的风衣

画下那些燃烧的烛火和枫叶

画下许多因为爱她

而熄灭的心

画下婚礼

画下一个个早早醒来的节日

上面贴着玻璃糖纸

和北方童话的插图

我是一个任性的孩子

我想擦去一切不幸

我想在大地上

画满窗子

让所有习惯黑暗的眼睛

都习惯光明

我想画下风

画下一架比一架更高大的山岭

画下来东方民族的渴望

画下大海

无边无际愉快的声音

最后,在纸角上

我还想画下自己

画下一只树熊

他坐在维多利亚深色的丛林里

坐在安安静静的树枝上

发愣

他没有家

没有一颗留在远处的心

他只有,许许多多

浆果一样的梦

和很大很大的眼睛

我在希望

在想

但不知为什么

我没有领到蜡笔

没有得到一个彩色的时刻

我只有我

我的手指和创痛

只有撕碎那一张张

心爱的白纸

让它们去寻找蝴蝶

让它们从今天消失

我是一个孩子

一个被幻想妈妈宠坏的孩子

我任性

One Generation

Even with these dark eyes, a gift of the dark night

I go to seek the shining light

一代人

黑夜給了我黑色的眼睛

我卻用它尋找光明